Thank you, Poppy.

A year on...

Sunday the 29th of September 2024 marked one year since Poppy died.

It’s only now in these days after that I’ve found the energy to write something. And when I say finding the energy, I actually surprisingly don’t mean that I’ve been in a depleted lack of energy state. I’ve been using my energy over the past month during the lead up to this date and the days afterwards to actually spend time with her. Giving her and this grief for her my undivided attention.

There is so much to say on what this past year has held. But the thing that is pulling me to write today is not to recount that. I might a little, but overall I want to give thanks to Poppy. I want to spend this time writing to her in gratitude for our wonderful friendship that has deeply changed the course of my life forever.

This past year has brought me to my knees at times. I’ve tried not to dwell too much on the fact that I had a friend who helped me heal for my initial earth shattering loss of my mum and she then died too. It feels unbelievably cruel at times and on the dark days when I have dwelled on that, it’s felt impossible to pick myself back up again.

Aside from the fact Poppy played such a huge role in the healing of my grief, she played a huge role in my life, point blank. We bonded over the losses of our parents but soon discovered there were many other layers to each other that we enjoyed.

I couldn’t believe my luck that I’d found a friend who not only understood this gaping grief hole in my heart, but also word for word my favourite UK garage songs.

Our friendship was deep, layered and playful. We fell into each others orbit and never looked back. We joked a lot that we felt bad for others who were around us when we were together because they wouldn’t really get a look in.

At various points throughout the year, I think to cope, I’ve subconsciously discounted how close we were. To sit with the reality that I’ve loved and lost someone who was so intertwined in my everyday was too much to bare. There was a moment last week when I was digging out a voicenote she sent me back in 2022 of her singing Janet Jackson that it dawned on me, we really did speak every single day.

I’m not someone who holds a friendship with a high regard just because you speak everyday, I don’t believe that equates depth of a friendship. But we just did.

She was my favourite caller ID to flash up on my phone. No matter what I was doing, it was always a delight to speak with her on the phone or facetime. We’d have agendas of what we’d need to speak about if it was work related but would often leave that to the final 20 mins and rush that part because we’d just spent the previous 40 talking about anything and everything.

To see on our whatsapp that our conversation came to an end a few weeks before she died was agony. Immediately taking me back to that time last year when she was so ill and we were none the wiser with what was to come.

Our friendship, in the grand scheme of time might be brief to some. Poppy and I shared 4 years of friendship, but we lived a lifetime in those years. We’d remark that we definitely knew each other in another life and we’d found each other again, that’s why it was so easy.

So, here’s a few (possibly many) things I want to thank my special mate for today, and always…

To Poppy,

Thank you for showing me what true friendship looks like.

Thank you for loving me.

Thank you for letting me love you.

Thank you for letting me in to bare witness to a vulnerable side that wasn’t always available to the world.

Thank you for inspiring me.

Thank you for teaching me that attention to detail matters.

Thank you for your beautiful, wide open heart.

Thank you for sharing your art with the world.

Thank you for revealing art and it’s beauty to me.

Thank you for jumping out a plane together.

Thank you for the years of dedication to your community.

Thank you for the endless chats.

Thank you for the playful, joyous, fun days out.

Thank you for the carrot cake recipe.

Thank you for the euphoric nights we spent on the dancefloor.

Thank you for allowing us into your pain and to bare witness to it alongside you.

Thank you for bringing us together, you knew we’d need it.

Thank you for showing us what leaning into a higher conscious looks like.

Thank you for being a good gossiper.

Thank you for all the wild break outs into song in the streets.

Thank you for saying yes all those years ago to coming onto the podcast. Where it all began, our story.

Thank you, for being you.

A once in a lifetime friendship. I keep my eyes wide open for your messages every single day. How lucky were we Pops? I’ll never stop talking about you.

I found you in this life, and I’ll find you in the next. Falling into each others orbit, once more.

Viva forever, Poppy x